Sunday, 5 September 2010

The Original

You want more poems?

Me and my friends are looking for as many writers as possible to contribute homages, covers and remixes of this poem for a live event at the end of September. 

These can be sent to us 
- over email, 
- recorded for YouTube (we'll play them at the event)
- performed live by the writer themselves
- or by proxy by another performer (if the writer wishes- we can sort this out).

This project was inspired by The Aristocrats joke: a (pretty unfunny) joke that US comedians use to show off their stagecraft. The joke itself is a test pattern; it’s down to the comic telling the joke to add their own brand of flair, and hopefully make it funny.

We wondered—is it possible to create an Aristocrats for poets? A poem so bad that the writer would have to use all their ingenuity and talent to make it worthwhile? We don’t know the answer yet, but we’re hoping to find out on the 29th.

Send your versions of The Last Barman Poet to

Or upload to YouTube and send us the link.

I am the world’s last barman poet.
I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make.
Americans getting stinking on something I stir or shake.
The Sex on the Beach,
The Schnapps made from peach,
The Velvet Hammer,
The Alabama Slammer.
I make things with juice and froth.
The Pink Squirrel,
The 3-Toed Sloth.
I make drinks so sweat and snazzy.
The Iced Tea,
The Kamikaze,
The Orgasm,
The Death Spasm,
The Singapore Sling,
The Ding-a-ling.
America you’re just devoted to every flavor I got.
But if you want to get loaded,
Why don’t you just order a shot?

1 comment:

  1. I was a teenage barman
    ’86. Pre-Cocktail. I had spots.
    The Chequers in Eversley.
    Nice pub.
    Now shut.

    Did another stint in Swindon.
    Recession. ’89. Not pretty.
    Needs must.

    I trained at Wetherspoon’s.
    Full-week. New opening.
    Tiled floor.

    And at UEA, I was a barman
    In a Norwich pub.
    Not the Union.
    I’m not a tosser.

    I’m a barista.
    I’ve got skills.
    I’ve been taught about crema
    I’m a fully-trained barman.
    And I’m not yet 44.